Many years ago during my short stint at a PR firm, we flew to a client to make a presentation. Minutes after we arrived, a senior executive walked up to us and told us that our key contact at the company passed away last night. To that, my boss impulsively snapped, “Well, didn’t you do your succession planning? We flew up here and expect to present to someone.” Trying not to look at the utterly stupefied face of the poor guy, I could only hear ear-numbing silence following that short retort from my boss. I vaguely remember a bird or two chirping at a distance too.
Well, I do admire all facets of verbal communication skills and am highly respectful of everyone who takes eloquence and articulation to the next level. But more often than not, it is the failure to appreciate when to keep quiet that lands most people in trouble. For discerning employers, a finely honed sense of when not to talk is a highly sought-after communication skill that is hard to come by. As someone so aptly put it:
"The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless."
From my humbling experience of the past many years, here’s a list of 7 reasons why (and when) to keep your mouth shut:
1. Listen, observe and learn
The greatest business lessons are learnt when you are not talking, but listening. It is a proven fact that if you are talking or thinking of what to say when the other person finishes the sentence, you are not listening to what is being said. This is because listening is not hearing. It is a cognitive exercise that requires concentration to process the knowledge being imparted. How well you can interpret that knowledge depends largely on your level of concentration and impartial attention. I like how Cheryl Conner put it:
"There is a power in listening to others without interruption in order to fully understand what they are saying—to fully understand what they are not saying—and to ensure that they know they are heard."
2. Do not speak only to criticize
If you feel the urge to speak up only to sneer at someone’s failure or shortcoming with no constructive intent to it, it is better to keep quiet. This is not to say that you should never criticize someone within the accepted norms of social discourse. It only means that in business meetings, criticizing an individual with an intent to belittle him or her is not a good idea simply because the negative intent tends to become evident the more you speak. This applies to shifting the blame to an adversary or to someone you have to settle a score with.
"Abilities wither under fault-finding, blossom under encouragement." Donald A. Laird
If you are a born mentor and coach who can’t refrain from pointing out areas of improvement, make sure you do that in one-on-one meetings only after building a strong rapport with the individual. If you are truly concerned about the person’s contribution to the organization, the focus should be on offering solutions rather than on rubbing it in his face.
3. Do not speak when angry
Like listening, speaking is a cognitive process. The MIT Encyclopedia of the Cognitive Sciences says, "it seems plausible to maintain that universal tendencies in language are grounded in the way we are; this must be so for speaking is a cognitive capacity, that capacity in virtue of which we say that we know our native language."
Performance of a cognitive skill hinges on the capacity of the brain to function normally. The data coming into our brain from the world around us passes through the amygdala where the decision is made whether to send the data to the limbic area or frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex. The latter assesses consequences of our actions and is likely what's keeping you from hurling a vase across the room. If the incoming data triggers enough of an emotional charge, amygdala sends the data to the limbic system causing the person to react without much regard for the consequences.
"Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." Lawrence J. Peter
Simply put, we are not in our right mind when we are angry. Regardless of whether your anger is justified or not, it is highly advisable to wait for the storm to pass before you see the bright sun of your cognition shining in your head again. Speaking your mind before the frontal lobe takes over is akin to driving when drunk. All you'll end up with is truckload of regret and a few broken hearts. Not to mention, I have seen people losing their jobs only because they spoke when they should have kept quiet.
4. Do not speak to spread rumors
Rumors are short-lived. They eventually get discovered as lies and when that happens, all those we took part in spreading the false news move a step closer to losing their credibility. Blabbermouths are always looked down upon in a professional work environment even when they really want to believe what they are saying is true.
"Doubting everything is a sign of wisdom; speaking your doubts is mere stupidity."
By the same token, saying something while at the same time expressing your doubt about it harms your professional integrity. It is better not to speak if you are unsure whether what you are going to say is the truth and you did not have a chance to confirm the piece of information. Rather than saying "I think the survey results were largely positive and we can start developing the marketing campaign" you can simply take away the question and confirm the survey results in the next meeting.
5. Do not speak to state the obvious
In business meetings, stating the obvious is a suicidal faux-pas that went out of style centuries ago. It only serves to demonstrate that you are an uber-naive person going through an intellectual challenge keeping pace with the discussion.
Same goes for reading your PowerPoint slides verbatim. Irrespective of how verbose the slides are, present the context of the phrase and what meaning you want to convey rather than reading out the exact phrase. If you do not have anything to say about the why and how of the text written on the slides, what is the point of making the presentation in the first place? Consider sending the file as an attachment to save time and effort.
There is an exception to this. If you are stating the obvious only to build the premise for the point you are about to make, go for it by all means.
6. Conserve energy for action
Speaking is an energy-consuming exercise, but when it comes to expressing your intentions too early, speaking becomes an energy-depleting exercise. Once you've told people of your intentions, it gives you a "premature sense of completeness."
You have identity triggers in your brain that contribute to your self-image every time an event occurs. Since both actions and speech activate your identity triggers to shape your self-image one bit at a time, talking satisfies the brain enough to neglect the pursuit of action triggers. It is a common observation that announcing your intentions ahead of time satisfies your need to create a particular self-image just enough to lessen the motivation needed to achieve it.
NYU psychology professor Peter Gollwitzer has been studying this since his book "Symbolic Self-Completion" published in 1982. Recently published results reveal that people who keep their intentions private are more likely to achieve them than those who made them public and were acknowledged by others. JosemarÃa Escrivá wrote in his 1934 book, The Way:
"The fruitfulness of silence! All the energy I see you waste with those repeated indiscretions is energy taken from the effectiveness of your work. Be discreet."
7. Build power through silence
People with high self-esteem measure up the meaningfulness of a conversation against their self-value before jumping in. I have never seen an accomplished senior executive passing on a lame joke he heard in the elevator. In business meetings, each time you choose not to contribute to a meaningless discourse, it subliminally creates a perception in the minds of others that your contribution to a discussion is truly valuable and they will be eager to hear what you have to say the next time you speak.
Practising it consistently strengthens this perception and builds your intellectual self-worth. Avoiding meaningless talk in business meetings creates respect from colleagues. Of course overdoing it would make you look rude and aloof. So it is important to have a reasonable threshold of what constitutes meaningfulness.
Photo Credit: Peter Dutton
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