Photo Credit: Randy Heinitz
I was 15 years old. Hiding behind my desk in the classroom, trying hard to ignore my trembling legs and sweaty palms, I was dreading that imminent moment when the teacher would call out my name and I would have to come out of my snug invisibility cloak and be seen for all my limitations. This would be my first impromptu speech to an audience of more than one. Don’t even ask me how it went.
As my impulse reaction to the
experience I had been through, I decided to remain unknown. Comfortable in my
anonymity, I had convinced myself that I had no interest in achieving success
in life. I was in denial mode.
But there I was years later;
reflecting on the experience that had shaken the very core of my self-esteem as
a school boy. I looked inwardly to search for what my reason had been. What I
discovered was appalling. I was too afraid to let go of something I thought I
had.
I didn’t want to take the
risk of doing the things necessary for making it to the top because I had
successfully fooled myself into believing that I was already at the top. So rather
than speaking up and coming across as unwise 50% of the time, I could just keep
quiet and look intelligent 100% of the time. I needed to fool myself first to
be able to fool others. And it made perfect sense to me. How can you lose the
race when you don’t take part in it?
I realized much later that the
thing I was afraid of losing was something I never had in the first place. Hiding
the real me behind my newfound self-perception, I hoped that others’ perception
of me would automatically align with my self-perception because that was the
only persona they could see. My inaction could never let people around me know
me, and not knowing me would mean not knowing my limitations. Oh, I remember how
comforting it was!
Lesson 1: Let vulnerability give way to strength
Today I know that my anecdote
is not unique. Through what transpired in life in the days and months that
followed, I learned that the only way to grow and achieve success was to expose
myself to the world of uncertainty. The path of vulnerability was the only road
to success. Not crossing over to that path every time I had choice diverted me further
away from success.
It may sound paradoxical, but
strength comes from vulnerability. You have to ask the question to get the
answer, even though asking the question means you didn't know. Whatever your
goal may be, you have to start from nothing to achieve something. Admitting
that you have nothing is not a bad deal if that leads you to your goal.
So whether it is walking up
to your manger and asking him what that popular acronym really stands for or
wrapping your head around the new company strategy, get your answers and move
on to the next questions.
Lesson 2: Lose your sense of possession
Have you ever asked yourself the
question, what is the real nature of the fear that keeps you from taking
action? The most likely answer you’d get is that it is not the fear of failing
to achieve something that bothers you; it is simply the fear of failing to
retain what you already have – your wealth and material possessions, your fame
and pride, your social status, family, work, recognition. It all emanates from
our possessiveness and the list goes on.
As a general rule, to get
from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ you have to give up your present position and move
towards your destination. Whether or not you’d be able to get to ‘B’ is not
known but you would know that only when you move. For career professionals looking
to venture into entrepreneurship for instance, it is a scary thought to do what
it takes to make the transition. You have to focus on your new business to make
it successful in the future, but that would mean diverting attention from your job
at present. What if you leave your job and finally make the transition only to wake
up to the fact that your business is going belly up and would never amount to
much. Too late to have your job back!
As dismal as it may seem at
first, much depends on your definition of success and the intensity of your
desire to achieve it. If owning a profitable business is your definition of
success and your ultimate goal, you wouldn't consider yourself successful
working for your employer. At some point in time, you have to give up your
false sense of success to achieve what you really long for.
It is like a baby clenching her
teddy bear while she sleeps. She likes to think that it is her mother she is
cuddling and not a ball of yarn and fur. That gives her the comfort that
knowing the truth never would. But with her hands full, how can she cuddle her
mother? Our self-perception of being wise and successful is really our teddy
bear that we are too afraid to let go. Sooner or later, we have to let go of
our false self-perceptions and sense of possession to make way for success.
Lesson 3: Befriend your fears
Fear is second nature to us.
We are afraid of everything from the unpredictability of the weather to
financial instability and career choices. There is no shame in admitting that.
In fact, we ought to be aware
of our fears so that we could use them to our advantage. Yes, that’s right; our
fears can be the stepping stones to our personal development and success.
Deep inside us all, there is
a perpetual conflict between our urge to succeed and the fear of taking action.
The trouble is, taking action almost always precedes success. The good news is,
fear can be our best friend; advising us what actions to take, especially when
it comes to matters of personal development.
Sometimes in life, we feel
like laughing and crying at the same time. We want to be alone and surrounded
with people, dreamy and alert, noticed and ignored all at the same moment. These
are all cues to tell us that there is an inner tumult arising out of a conflict
between the forces of fear and ambition somewhere deep inside us. Because one
of the two has to win, our odds of success are 50/50 at this stage.
So if by default, we are all complacent
with the status quo, something has to happen within us to change our nature and
let the forces of ambition win the fight against fear so that we improve our
odds of success. Being aware of the cues can help us identify when exactly we
need to be take action and shift the fear-ambition balance to our advantage.
Lesson 4: It’s never too late to change course
We all make wrong decisions
in life. Only because we have invested time, effort and money in those
decisions, doesn't mean we cannot take the right decision any more. I have seen
bankers becoming successful artists, singers opening world renowned restaurants
and doctors becoming acclaimed writers. They are all more satisfied with their choices
and consider themselves more successful than before.
Of course you do not have to
make an abrupt move. No matter how big your dream is, start small but take the
first step now, even if it’s as trifling as writing it down. Life is too short
to keep mulling over your wrong decisions and keeping them close to your chest.
Besides, even after you have
corrected course, you can still bank on what you learned from your wrong decisions.
The banker-turned-artist can be great at managing his business finances. The
restaurants owned by the singer should have the best entertainment in town. The
writer who used to be a doctor can do a fantastic job of featuring doctors in
her stories. In fact, they could all be more successful in their new careers
than their competition if they transferred their knowledge from their past
professions to their real passion; something others couldn't do.
All four lessons above would make
sense only when you have a clear goal in sight. Letting go works only when you
are truly passionate about what you want to achieve in life. Again, starting
small and acting now is the key that cannot be overemphasized.
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